Sentiments

Who are you to judge me?
“Yeah whatever,” I say inwardly
Judge me or not
I will still do nought
I desire to be far away from mortality
In the depths of pearl blue gates, living with deity
But it can’t happen
I have to stay here and entertain the few individuals who seem to be my friends.
Are they the loose bond that is holding me from my awakening?
What does my body want?
Is all this a faux?
Am I even beautiful?
Do people actually like me?
If they do, will our friendship last?
I love being alone because only then
Can I become my own friend
And enemy sometimes.
Only then can I think about what I want for me
I love myself
But again I don’t
Some good times come, overshadowed by the dark ones
Now I am aching.
A broken heart for the taking.